Views on Love and what it is will always be a cliche in blogs around the world. It seems like everyone sooner or later feels the need to expunge their own opinions of this mythical force that can bind, tear, heal, or hurt in any number of ways. I chalk it up to the human condition and something that we can all relate to in some way. Its the only thing that a person can share without a great deal of controversy in the same way that religion or politics is. So go ahead bloggers of the world and wax poetic about that most gracious of four letter words. Someone will always read it. And with that being said here is my unwanted, unsolicited, yet unavoidable cliche of a post.
In my short existence on this planet I can say that I have felt Love in its pure sense a few times. Actually I have been proud to know Love these times in many different ways. Of course there is the Love that stems from parents wishing me the best. Always a wonderful thing to know that there is at least two people that Love me no matter how off the mark I might get. There is also the Love of my friends. That is a Love that needs building and time, but can just be as strong. I have been witness to such affection in times of need and times of joy for which I will always be truly grateful. I have also felt the Love of intimacy with a few special people in my life. This I find is the most confusing Love of all. Yet it is the one that I wish to talk about (duh) in more depth here.
Let me get this out as a truth right away. I have been Loved in this third way by very special and amazing people. Their Love lit my life with glow that only shined greater each day it passed. The harmonious illumination that Love brings to us in this form is unparalleled by any incandescent bulb or halogen. I think in some ways this light might be more brilliant in its form than Heaven itself for it can penetrate even the darkest of one's inner corners. And it is on this feeling that I feel the greatest sadness. For with all its brilliant light I still found a way in each instance to damper it like so many doused candles.
Whenever an unconditional Love presents itself in my life I try to find the condition that will turn it on its side. Its just something that I do. Selfish and conceded I know. But something always seems to tell me that I am not doing it right or that I will never be worthy of this amount of light. So to preempt the eventual darkness, I hold onto what I can while snuffing out the residual glow. And it hurts those that only wish to Love me. And for that I can never apologize enough for.
It seems now in my own life I find myself asking a very simple question. Did I miss it? Was that my ration of Love that I threw away so carelessly? Will I be worthy again of even a sliver of Love's illumination? All questions I know are asked by many people. I am one of them. Its dark in here.
So why, you might ask, did I just have to read that depressing passage filled with whining and self-pity? Well the answer actually is the most cliched of ideals when dealing with Love. Hold onto it! If in your life you feel the glow and brilliance of Love's light streaming to you from another without discourse or preamble you must do whatever it takes to not only embrace it, but to reflect it back with such a brilliance that it blinds the world. Because if you don't and let yourself shutter in the darkness of your person than you may be doomed to walk in darkness forever wondering where the door is.
Go towards the light.
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