Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Happiness is.........

       Hello all (or one, I really don't know if anyone is reading this),
       I hope your days are going well and filled with whatever you want them to be. I truly mean that as I spend most of my days either working or slacking off when I should be working. Yet I also find that I spend a great deal of my limited seconds on this earth in thought of a topic for this week's posting. I have about 60 different things daily that pop into my head that would make a good topic of discussion. Yet I find when I get around to writing them I can't seem to recall what they were. I really should start writing down the topic list. Oh organization, you are just not for me.
       Anywho, this week I was going to talk about memories and where they come from and how they affect my life in its current state. I am not going to lie it was shaping up to be a downer of a post. There is a lot to say about memories from me at this point in life, and mostly my frame of mind is on the negative/ depressing use of them. But then a ray of light game upon me in a most unusual way.
        Now some people state that inspiration comes in the form of a song, or art, or reading. Mine came in the   tri-tone jingle of a text message. Now you can probably see how happy I was just to see a text from someone as I seem to have fallen out of favor in the communication department with many of my regular chaters, but this one came out of the blue with a question from a relatively old friend who has been a communication hermit herself. She asked me "Have you ever tried to make yourself happy?"
          Wow. That's and interesting thing to have pop up on your phone. Well, in regards to the text message I did my best counseling schtick and wrote back a variety of cliches about just being happy and not trying to make yourself happy. I know I said they were cliches, but they are cliches for a reason. Cause they are tried, tested, and true. Why else would one continue to doll them out as sage advice? I think I came up with my own variations of good themes and really sent some nuggets of wisdom off. I am good at that.
           So I went on with my day, but for some reason that thought of what makes one happy stuck with me. So I decided to skip the downer memory post (don't worry, you didn't dodge a bullet with that one, it will return. I wrote it down) and make a list of the few things in life that truly make me happy at age 29 in the year 2011.
     
       1. Family.
           On December of last year my family was expanded by an extra member. This would be my niece, Anna. She is the first addition to our family child-wise and with her brings so many new promises that I never even explored for the G---- clan. With this little person it seemed a renewal of sorts came over all of us. Happiness and love have always been a large part of my family. We have always been close, together, and functional, yet Anna has brought a new happiness feeling to us all. Its just fun to see my father go all weak whenever he sees her or to see my brother take charge as "daddy" in a way that I would never have thought possible. Also, I must admit, I am really loving seeing a small baby around in pics and videos which is no small feat for me. (Read an earlier post on my baby views.) I miss my family more than ever now, but I know that when I get to see them there will be one more set of eyes welcoming me and that makes the distance not so tough.
     
          2. Friends.
             I have some pretty amazing friends. I don't tell them very often and in recent times I have not gotten a whole lot of chances to be around them, but they are still some of the best people I know. Anyone that has entered my life in some way has enriched it and those closest to me have struck upon me a great enrichment that I can only hope is recipricated in some small way by me. They have let me laugh with them; let me cry on their couches; let me yell about life, love and everything in between; and they have let me just be myself. Nothing can be better than that. I hope each one knows how important they are to who I have become today.
       
           3. Work
            I don't like my job all the time, but I am happy that I have one. It might not be exactly what I want to be doing with my career at this moment however it is far from what I don't want to be doing. I go to work each day hoping for the times between the shows when we sit around and just talk. Our conversations are legendary and range on so many topics that its imposible to convey them all in this "internet" thing. For me going to work is just an extension of #2 as everyone there is a friend of mine. And for that I will always be grateful to have been a part of this company.

           4. Reading
           As you can tell if you are a regular follower I love to read. The simple enjoyment of escaping into my mind where new friends and knowledge abound is unmatched. Recently this love has been stoked by my purchase of a Nook (I can't sing its praises enough) which in itself has opened the possibilities to read things that never interested me before. I set up shop in a corner booth and just read to my hearts content. The 'one hour free read' timer helps me return to the world at large and not de-evolve into a mass of unmovable flab which I am sure I would because I will not stop myself from reading if had the choice. It really  makes me happy to know that reading in any form will always be around and be entertaining when all other things in life may fade away at the drop of a hat. So this is a big one that makes me smile.

           5. Muppets
           A slight obsession with Jim Henson's creations has ruled my life since I was a small boy. I never really can pinpoint what it was that first turned me on to the Muppets, but I don't really care. They have been a large part of my development (Sesame Street), a bonding mechanism for myself and my older brother (Muppet Movies at large), and a career goal for me. It is my dream to one day perform with the Muppets or be a muppeteer. Just one of the background characters would be fine with me; just to say I did it. Anytime I feel sad or depressed I know that I can throw any number of my Muppet's DVDs  (and there are many!) into a machine and just feel right for awhile even if it is the 375th time I have seen it. Thats just a powerful magic that speaks to my heart in a way that nothing else can.

            6. Alone
            As much as I love spending time with friends and family I equally like spending time with myself. Its lonely and sometimes depressing to walk around by myself so much, but I always have a good time taking myself out. I enjoy people watching or going to places that may turn others off. And some of the things I do just require quiet, peace, and serenity that I always feel uncomfortable asking from someone else. So being alone in some rare cases makes me happy. Yet this is the most flexible of my list of things. It can be deleted at any time. Ya hear me ladies!


       So that's my small list. It is by no means the only things that come to mind that make me happy right now, there are way too many to mention right now. In the writing of this I noticed that each of these connects to the other in some way. I have made friends due to talking about the Muppets; I have a family who gives me the space to be alone when needed; Reading has allowed me to make a new family. All things are connected. I am starting to see that maybe tha'ts what life is about; finding things that make you happy and seeing how they can expand the others to make you super happy in all aspects of life.
        Try seeing what your list is and how each compliments the other. And until next time....
         

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Victori-uhhs? Secret

            Barney Stinson is a role model. Not so much in the woman-izing misogynistic sort of way (even though it is awesome to see a totally out gay man play such a person with complete and utter believably) but in his sense of fashion and attire. I can't think of anything I would much rather wear in this lifetime than a suit. See how "anti-establishment" I am!
           There is just something classic about a suit. Its elegant, sophisticated, and down right good looking. Sometimes I wonder how and why suits have lasted as long as they have in today's modern world but then I realize that nothing better has come along. I see all these shows and magazines that advertise the latest "fashion" coming from far off lands in Europe, yet nothing in these look at all close to replacing that simplistic design of a shirt and tie combo. Oh well, keep trying there designers; perhaps burlap and strange geometry will win out in the end.
           For me its the perception that wearing a suit gets you by other people. I walk down the halls of my workplace or the local shopping center in my casual attire and barely get a notice. I am the 6' 188lb invisible man in a tee shirt and jeans. Yet once I throw a nice tie and collared shirt on its like I come into focus to others. I get looks streamed my way and even regular acquaintances make comments as to how nice I look. I like to think I look nice everyday, but I know what they mean. There is just something about that long fabric wrapped in a knot that draws the eye.
           In my job its customary for people to come to work post-casual. Whats that you might ask? Well given what I do most people come to work looking like complete hell. No make up, clothes that have not seen the light of day in months, hair tosseled or shoved cruelly under a hat. Have I painted a pretty good picture of the ragged masses that pass through my halls each and everyday? Well its understandable to not get dressed up to sweat and stew in your own funk for hours on end. Sometimes I wonder how anyone gets a date around my job looking like they do. Yet I digress. So in this sea of zombiefied fashion atrocities getting "dolled" up to a point of normality turns a lot of heads. Mostly its a female in a pretty dress that gets the attention, but every now and then its that guy in the jacket that is getting checked out. Just an interesting phenomenon, and for someone like me, who wishes to be noticed by others, its a mandate.
          As an entertainer I get to dress up in many different costumes and roles. Its nice to have that variety. You never know what you will look like from day to day. Yet there is a secret I hide from the world. I would kill for a 9-5 desk job if it let me wear a suit all day. But you didn't hear that from me.
             Every now and then I like to just look nice for no reason. I have no formal setting to go to, or interview to impress for, or job requirement that lead me to these days. I just wake up, want to look nice, and dress myself in the one suit I own. And then I go shopping. Or to a museum. Or just out with no particular place to go. Just out feeling sophisticated in nice attire. I equate the feeling of wearing it to that of a woman wearing lingerie. Some females wear sexy underwear even when they know no one will see it that day just to feel good about themselves and feel sexy. I have the same feeling with ties. It just makes me feel good about myself. Its the little things.
          Enjoy the day people. Wear whatever it is that makes you feel good. Suit UP!

 

Friday, July 15, 2011

Would it be Loverly?

      Views on Love and what it is will always be a cliche in blogs around the world. It seems like everyone sooner or later feels the need to expunge their own opinions of this mythical force that can bind, tear, heal, or hurt in any number of ways. I chalk it up to the human condition and something that we can all relate to in some way. Its the only thing that a person can share without a great deal of controversy in the same way that religion or politics is. So go ahead bloggers of the world and wax poetic about that most gracious of four letter words. Someone will always read it. And with that being said here is my unwanted, unsolicited, yet unavoidable cliche of a post.
       In my short existence on this planet I can say that I have felt Love in its pure sense a few times. Actually I have been proud to know Love these times in many different ways. Of course there is the Love that stems from parents wishing me the best. Always a wonderful thing to know that there is at least two people that Love me no matter how off the mark I might get. There is also the Love of my friends. That is a Love that needs building and time, but can just be as strong. I have been witness to such affection in times of need and times of joy for which I will always be truly grateful. I have also felt the Love of intimacy with a few special people in my life. This I find is the most confusing Love of all. Yet it is the one that I wish to talk about (duh) in more depth here.
        Let me get this out as a truth right away. I have been Loved in this third way by very special and amazing people. Their Love lit my life with glow that only shined greater each day it passed. The harmonious illumination that Love brings to us in this form is unparalleled by any incandescent bulb or halogen. I think in some ways this light might be more brilliant in its form than Heaven itself for it can penetrate even the darkest of one's inner corners. And it is on this feeling that I feel the greatest sadness. For with all its brilliant light I still found a way in each instance to damper it like so many doused candles.
        Whenever an unconditional Love presents itself in my life I try to find the condition that will turn it on its side. Its just something that I do. Selfish and conceded I know. But something always seems to tell me that I am not doing it right or that I will never be worthy of this amount of light. So to preempt the eventual darkness, I hold onto what I can while snuffing out the residual glow. And it hurts those that only wish to Love me. And for that I can never apologize enough for.
        It seems now in my own life I find myself asking a very simple question. Did I miss it? Was that my ration of Love that I threw away so carelessly? Will I be worthy again of even a sliver of Love's illumination? All questions I know are asked by many people. I am one of them. Its dark in here.
        So why, you might ask, did I just have to read that depressing passage filled with whining and self-pity? Well the answer actually is the most cliched of ideals when dealing with Love. Hold onto it! If in your life you feel the glow and brilliance of Love's light streaming to you from another without discourse or preamble you must do whatever it takes to not only embrace it, but to reflect it back with such a brilliance that it blinds the world. Because if you don't and let yourself shutter in the darkness of your person than you may be doomed to walk in darkness forever wondering where the door is.
        Go towards the light.
   

Reading Rainbow

       Life has its phases of things that interest us I find. It seems that my obsessive, addiction-prone interests seem to circulate between movies, reading, video games, and writing. These four things take over my life one  subject at a time till I can't get enough of them only for that one to be replaced by the next one to the same avail. Rinse, lather, repeat. Yet lately I have found one of my most favorite things taking up more and more real estate in the entertainment of my person. And that is reading.
         I love to read. It stems back to the good old days of Pizza Hut's Book It program that awarded you with pizza for every book you read. Incentive programs and marketing have always worked on me, and the promise of free food (especially a personal Pan Pepparoni Pizza) just was an offer I couldn't refuse. So I like to pinpoint my love of reading to that particular time in my development. So much did I yearn for the delicious round pie that I taught myself to read while walking so that I would never miss an opportunity to crack open a book and escape into my imagination. This is something I still do to this day and I have yet, knock on wood, to ever fall or have an accident from not paying attention. I actually feel I am more attentive when reading than at any other times. I should just start reading while driving; it might make me a better driver. (Disclaimer: Don't do that. It's stupid. And you will die.)
           Reading is something that surrounds us on every level. Its a wonderful pastime to open up a book and delve its words for the mysteries that will unlock the universe. Yet I find myself also feeling the need to read anything whether it has value to the mind or not. Lately I have had to admit to myself (as it is Step 1 in my recovery) that I am a Facebook addict. Countless hours have been spent scrolling through status updates of those I hold dear and those I hold afar just to get some small insight into their lives or just to have something to read. I admit its not literature and most of it brings forth a nightmare of grammatical structure that would have Shakespeare wanting to force the vial out of Romeo's ill-fated hands and down the poison himself, but still its words on a page begging to be read. And what can be so wrong with that. Any reading is good reading because it forces your brain to work and comprehend.
           A vision of the future popped into my head today while I was, what else, reading in my spot at the local Barnes and Noble. One of my little daughter trolling the shelves looking for her next literary conquest as a weary, yet handsome father looks on with pride and hope that she doesn't pick out Twilight. In that moment I was really happy and started thinking what the world of my child's will be in the book department. I can't wait to introduce my spawn to the world of books and overpriced coffee cafe's. Its the one thing I think I will not fail at as a father. Yet I also felt a pang of sadness thinking that she might not like to read. I think in my life I could accept that with love, but never with happiness. Sad to think about, but true. Reading, for me, created everything that I can say is categorically "me." And for her to not have that same drive....
           Yet that is the future. And this is the now. And yesterday is the past. (Don't know why I put that last bit in, but I was on a chronological roll.)
           So as I go forward into the next chapter (see what I did there) of my life I know that I will always love to watch movies, play video games, and write but I hope this drive to consume the written word continues to thrive. I will still buy every gaming console available and fill my media cabinet with the latest disc-based movie distribution because that's who I am. And I may ever transfer over completely to digital e-books as a source of material to feed my fix, but I hope that I never feel the day when I just say "Reading is stupid" or "Hand me that Twilight book."
           Happy reading, everyone.

       

Monday, July 4, 2011

Didgeri-who?

Hello again.

       Lately I have been wondering around different places looking for inspiration of any type. Something to just jump out and bite me in the left leg which will lead me on the road to riches and prosperity. So far nothing has taken a chunk out and I have been walking just fine. Yet on this quest I find myself drawn to a few routine areas. I find that I take in a great deal of reading in the corner of Barnes and Nobles. I have already expunged upon this in an earlier post so I won't go on in detail. The other place that draws me is the Downtown Disney shopping district. I know, I know; I travel far. Any-who, this is where I find myself wandering and wondering about everything under the sun. And what better place to do this than a busy tourist trap where live music plays and street performers perform (on the street).
        I once read a blog from a friend of mine that described her thoughts as she left her employment with Disney. She had very good things to say, but something buried itself into my consciousness and set up a memory homestead. She said that in her time here she has met the hardest working entertainers in the world and most will never be remembered or famous. Now that line applies very much to those performing every night tirelessly as I stroll past. And up until now I have never taken the time to compliment these artisans for their work by the mere act of listening intently to them. I would just walk briskly to my destination and chalk up their unique sounds as just something for the non-residents. However I have changed that in great form.
         Lately when I find myself at DTD (acronyms are fun) I stop and listen for a long time to each artist. In some cases I have become a regular at times cause I really enjoy the music they produce. The most interesting part is the uniqueness of each act. They all have something just a bit out of the ordinary that makes me look and/or listen in a different way.
          In what ways are they unique you might ask? Well you don't have to cause I did it for you. Well the singularity in difference (like that?) that catches my auditory nerve can range from what type of instruments they use to what type of sounds those instruments produce. Whether it be a Spanish guitar playing a version of the Sesame Street theme song or an electric violin jamming some Black Eyed Peas; its all very interesting and fun. BTW (acronym!) the electric string instruments rule. They are basically just strings on a bridge with the outline of the rest of the wooden part to make the silhouette. Amazing modernization of a classical instrument. That would be their uniqueness.
           Yet with all these fabulous performers there is one act that makes me chuckle and rock out in equal forms. And that is the rock and roll didgeridoo. Yep its just what you think. A double sided didgeridoo fully mic'd and filtered through an effects board. The artist plays this Australian goldmine of outback-ian sound (like that?) with a rock attitude and a masterful skill to boot. He also rocks a mean electric guitar while playing. Its just a bit off to really make you think and appreciate the talent. And the music composition is amazingly fun to listen or dance to.
          I started this post saying how I am looking for inspiration. Now I wouldn't say that this ridiculous yet effective blending of modern technology with the classical/cultural elements has really inspired me in that respect. I don't plan on creating a steam-punk version of Shakespeare's Love's Labours Lost any time soon. (Actually that doesn't sound too bad. Idea copywritten to Fluke Entertainment.) However it does push me to think that anything can happen if you work hard and have that edge. Do something just a bit off that makes people want to listen or watch, but not run away from DaDaist brain drain. Anyone who knows what DaDa is goes to the head of the class.
        So, if you can, go listen to the hard working artists in your areas. They deserve your attention and compliments. But most of all see what their uniqueness does for you in your search for inspiration. Also buy their cds once in a while. Peeps need to eat too.