Disclaimer: The title of this entry is taken from a news story. I didn't come up with it.
So I was listening to my regular radio show (Philips Phille on Real Radio 104.1. I like talk radio, sue me) when they cut to the news portion. In amongst the usual fluff stories there was one that caught my attention. Not for its fast-breaking, life-changing, news-worthiness, but for the ridiculousness in its subject. It appears that in one state a group of lawmakers, in their quest to save us all from the evils of life, have tried to subjugate an "adult only" policy for a coffee stand.
That's right. A java counter had the audacity to put beautiful women in scantily clad garb as their barristas. Now I don't understand why this would be a prerequisite for selling coffee, yet I think its a pretty good marketing ploy. Whether we admit it or not, sex will always sell....coffee. And I applaud any 'Sexy Starbucks' corporation that feels it has to go this route in order to compete. As long as the girls don't burn themselves with the carafes I am for anything that gets a customer in a store.
However that is not what really got me thinking. It was that the lawmakers were trying to ban this one certain company for the use of it cause it would bring about a lower morale value to the world. And there is where I don't concur.
Modern society is at a dichotomy with itself. On one side people want the Norman Rockwell view of life where everything is perfect and just uttering the word "kissing" could get you scorned in the town square with a giant scarlet "A" placed upon your person. And upon the other side we have Hooters; Tilted Kilt; Show-Me's; Gazzongas; Treasure Tavern; Peckers; McDonalds. (Okay, so Micky D's isn't one of these flesh-raunts, but I guy can hope.) Yet we don't seem to mind that these places exist. In fact we take our children and grandparents to them to have a good ole family night out with some exciting new entertainment.
I am a straight male of age. I will not try to perpetrate a lie that I have never frequented these places. Cause I have. Multiple times. That's not to say I am a regular, but I have been inside and find them harmless. I don't find it offensive, oppressive, ornamental, or degrading to the women (and men) who work at these places to do what they are told. Its just a food joint when you look at it from a logical point of view. And its not like the employees don't know what they are getting themselves into when they collect their checks.
Seeing bare flesh is a common occurrence today. The beach is filled with people just waiting to de-robe and show off what they got. In some cases I wish they wouldn't until they have spent some time in a gym, but who am I to talk. I am a pasty white man who, no matter how many miles I run on my treadmill, can't seem to get rid of my one love handle. And if you walk around that beach for about 47 seconds you have already seen less clothing on a person than any of these companies require of their staff. These flesh-raunts are actually quite tame when you look at it that way.
So these lawmakers really got under my skin trying to equate a coffee shop with the porn room in the back of a Family Video. To them it was obscene and grotesque and I should be carded in order to order a cup a joe. How dare I need my caffeine in the morning. I would suggest they focus on upholding the rules that don't seem counterproductive to a society that has already conceded that we can handle places where women and men wear something slightly provocative to entice a certain clientele to give them better tips.
In conclusion I hope we all can just stop thinking about what the server is wearing and order grandma and the kids some chicken wings. Cause they are really good in some Honey Mustard.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Nookypants
For the past few days I have found myself drawn to my fav bookstore, Barnes and Noble, as a place to unwind and read and get away from the mundane of my housing situation. (More on that at a later date.) I usually set up shop on a bench near a window out of the way by the less traveled magazine section onlooking the Crafting aisle. My staple sustenance in this experiment of public leisure is trending to be a Grande Caramel Frap w/ extra whip as whipped cream is one of my main weaknesses (along with redheads). Drink in hand I sit with my newly purchased Nook and start to read/ research a book I am trying to get started. However something else took my attention this time.
An interesting feature of my Nook, actually everyone's Nook not just mine, is that if you are connected to the B&N wifi network you can read any book in the store for an hour at a time for free. Well I am always up for anything free and since I was in the store I decided to see what was on the table that might interest me. I pulled up the menu and near the top was a selection entitled Bossypants by SNL alumn Tina Fey. I stopped for a just a second and then decided to move on to something else because I have never been a major fan of Ms. Fey. I liked her on SNL Weekend Update, but I have never watched an episode of 30 Rock and figured this book would just be about the show. You know, some backstage politics and stresses of continuing a popular show; or a look into the tragic life that one person had to pull themselves out of adversity to shine in today's entertainment world.
But then my finger hit the "read" button as it was passing the touch screen. The tome loaded and instantly upon my small screen read a passage that got me hooked into the humor of the book. I will not expunge upon that phrase as it doesn't pertain to what I want to talk about, but I highly suggest you go out and read this book. It starts out extremely funny and just keeps going. Self-referential and effacing. Love it.
Yet back to the point. As I was reading the book I can across a part where Ms. Fey reminisces about doing research for a screenplay and going to a workshop for women empowerment. As you can imagine this part of the biography really related to me. Anywho, in this seminar the speaker asked Ms. Fey and the others to write when they first knew that they had become woman. Not little girls, but women, as it would help them to realize what life had in store for them. Fey goes off to make jokes about this, but I stayed with it for a few minutes.
I can't remember the first time I really felt like a woman and I am sort of okay with that. I hope I can never pinpoint that aspect of my life. However I reversed the question and challenged myself to figure out when the first time in my life I have felt like a man. And here is where my brain shut down for a few loading screens.
In the annuls of my brain I searched high and low for that one definining moment when I trasitioned from boy to man. Was it the natural time of puberty? Or the first time I kissed a girl? Or perhaps it was at that moment when I belched louder than the sound barrier? All important moments in the growning life of a young boy yet none of them felt like the moment when I made the leap. Which then got me to wonder what if I never truly made the metamorphosis? Maybe I just transitioned from boy to slightly taller boy.
Strange part about this revelation? I am totally fine with it. I don't think I have ever wanted to be a man. Sure I would like to be thought of as a man in some certain occasions, yet on the whole I like being a child. Its the only thing that keeps me from going absolutely batshit insane when I have to deal with all the things that grown-ups do. I can honestly say that I have never been prepared for this. Not that people and family didn't try to teach me these things; I just didn't show up for class on those days. I am sure I was playing a video game that didn't have a save point.
And that right there is why I like being a child. Video games, Disney movies, The Muppets, Yo-yos. All these things are categorized as "child's" things (even though they have been embraced by older kids which negates my total argument, but lets not go into that right now) and I feel that is wrong. How can anything that one loves and feels truly defines them be placed into a certain period of time? If you love something then love it no matter what age groups it says on the side of the box.
End of stream-of-conscious rant which that last paragraph became. Its just that I really like the idea of not growing up and conforming to that "man" idea. Its more fun to act silly and be innocent of some things and be carefree. Its just that most times life doesn't let you be a child. Which is fine too, but I wish it would let somethings be completely adolescent for its own good. So I hope you, like me, ask yourself the question "When did you first feel like a man/woman?" and come up with an answer of Not Applicable.
Oh and buy a Nook. They are fun....and small. :)
An interesting feature of my Nook, actually everyone's Nook not just mine, is that if you are connected to the B&N wifi network you can read any book in the store for an hour at a time for free. Well I am always up for anything free and since I was in the store I decided to see what was on the table that might interest me. I pulled up the menu and near the top was a selection entitled Bossypants by SNL alumn Tina Fey. I stopped for a just a second and then decided to move on to something else because I have never been a major fan of Ms. Fey. I liked her on SNL Weekend Update, but I have never watched an episode of 30 Rock and figured this book would just be about the show. You know, some backstage politics and stresses of continuing a popular show; or a look into the tragic life that one person had to pull themselves out of adversity to shine in today's entertainment world.
But then my finger hit the "read" button as it was passing the touch screen. The tome loaded and instantly upon my small screen read a passage that got me hooked into the humor of the book. I will not expunge upon that phrase as it doesn't pertain to what I want to talk about, but I highly suggest you go out and read this book. It starts out extremely funny and just keeps going. Self-referential and effacing. Love it.
Yet back to the point. As I was reading the book I can across a part where Ms. Fey reminisces about doing research for a screenplay and going to a workshop for women empowerment. As you can imagine this part of the biography really related to me. Anywho, in this seminar the speaker asked Ms. Fey and the others to write when they first knew that they had become woman. Not little girls, but women, as it would help them to realize what life had in store for them. Fey goes off to make jokes about this, but I stayed with it for a few minutes.
I can't remember the first time I really felt like a woman and I am sort of okay with that. I hope I can never pinpoint that aspect of my life. However I reversed the question and challenged myself to figure out when the first time in my life I have felt like a man. And here is where my brain shut down for a few loading screens.
In the annuls of my brain I searched high and low for that one definining moment when I trasitioned from boy to man. Was it the natural time of puberty? Or the first time I kissed a girl? Or perhaps it was at that moment when I belched louder than the sound barrier? All important moments in the growning life of a young boy yet none of them felt like the moment when I made the leap. Which then got me to wonder what if I never truly made the metamorphosis? Maybe I just transitioned from boy to slightly taller boy.
Strange part about this revelation? I am totally fine with it. I don't think I have ever wanted to be a man. Sure I would like to be thought of as a man in some certain occasions, yet on the whole I like being a child. Its the only thing that keeps me from going absolutely batshit insane when I have to deal with all the things that grown-ups do. I can honestly say that I have never been prepared for this. Not that people and family didn't try to teach me these things; I just didn't show up for class on those days. I am sure I was playing a video game that didn't have a save point.
And that right there is why I like being a child. Video games, Disney movies, The Muppets, Yo-yos. All these things are categorized as "child's" things (even though they have been embraced by older kids which negates my total argument, but lets not go into that right now) and I feel that is wrong. How can anything that one loves and feels truly defines them be placed into a certain period of time? If you love something then love it no matter what age groups it says on the side of the box.
End of stream-of-conscious rant which that last paragraph became. Its just that I really like the idea of not growing up and conforming to that "man" idea. Its more fun to act silly and be innocent of some things and be carefree. Its just that most times life doesn't let you be a child. Which is fine too, but I wish it would let somethings be completely adolescent for its own good. So I hope you, like me, ask yourself the question "When did you first feel like a man/woman?" and come up with an answer of Not Applicable.
Oh and buy a Nook. They are fun....and small. :)
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Babies and......ehhhhh...me
Another night.
Another night at home where I really want to be, and another night closer to my return to life as usual. Not too excited about that. But oh well. Thought I would come sit out on the porch and write down my thoughts before I go spend some time with the family. By the way I really do cherish the weather at nights around here. Its so peaceful and cool. A nice breeze sweeps through my yard pushing the glowing fireflys around like ripples on the water. The sound of a very muffled conversation from the neighbors open window is the only sound one can here. (That is until the baby inside wakes from her slight slumber.)
Speaking of babies I have a confession to make here. Its an opinion of mine that has, in times, gotten me on the wrong side of some of my more paternally inclined friends. I am not a fan of babies as a general rule. But lets get something straight I like kids and hopefully one day would love to have a daughter or two of my own, yet as for the time of newborn through infant I have never been a fan.
I think it stems from my love of singularity. I love being around people, but usually people who share my desire for peace and serenity. There are times when life is just perfect when you shut down all your senses to the noise and descend into an abyss of nothingness and quiet. Babies, in general, don't descend into anything except loudness and uncomfortability. Before you start judging me I am fully aware of the reasoning behind the crying and loudness of babies. All that aside it doesn't mean I am genetically coded to be a fan.
Now having said that I must now contradict myself in one simple aspect. And that simple aspect's name is Annastasia Marie. My niece. Yes, thats correct, my one prejudice into this forray is also my bias. As a newborn I would still state my previous idea with all certainty, but now that she is a little bit older I have to amend it.
Its funny how a small personality trait such as a smile can change your whole view on a situation. When I see this little baby smile it makes me feel like the funniest person in the world. Her eyes pierce into my heart as she looks at the strange man that holds her. And even though its completely gross her slobbering all over my thumb trying to use it as a teether is just fine by me.
There are still times that I apply my aversion to babies to my little kinswoman. And those times are when things come out. I have had my first test as a matter of distributing food to the young one, but I refuse to clean up the aftermath of such food. That's what mommy and grand-mommy are for. Or daddy, cause even though I would bet against it everyday, he is fantastic with her. My brother has taken on the role of father with gusto and an enthusiasm that I never in all my days have seen come from him. Kinda heroic and inspirational to his younger sibling I must say.
Whoops, the peaceful joy that was my back porch has now be disturbed by said little one's squeal. At least I know that that means she is happy and recently fed. Now comes time for play with Uncle. At least until digestion has finished. So I will say adieu to you for now. Till next time.
Another night at home where I really want to be, and another night closer to my return to life as usual. Not too excited about that. But oh well. Thought I would come sit out on the porch and write down my thoughts before I go spend some time with the family. By the way I really do cherish the weather at nights around here. Its so peaceful and cool. A nice breeze sweeps through my yard pushing the glowing fireflys around like ripples on the water. The sound of a very muffled conversation from the neighbors open window is the only sound one can here. (That is until the baby inside wakes from her slight slumber.)
Speaking of babies I have a confession to make here. Its an opinion of mine that has, in times, gotten me on the wrong side of some of my more paternally inclined friends. I am not a fan of babies as a general rule. But lets get something straight I like kids and hopefully one day would love to have a daughter or two of my own, yet as for the time of newborn through infant I have never been a fan.
I think it stems from my love of singularity. I love being around people, but usually people who share my desire for peace and serenity. There are times when life is just perfect when you shut down all your senses to the noise and descend into an abyss of nothingness and quiet. Babies, in general, don't descend into anything except loudness and uncomfortability. Before you start judging me I am fully aware of the reasoning behind the crying and loudness of babies. All that aside it doesn't mean I am genetically coded to be a fan.
Now having said that I must now contradict myself in one simple aspect. And that simple aspect's name is Annastasia Marie. My niece. Yes, thats correct, my one prejudice into this forray is also my bias. As a newborn I would still state my previous idea with all certainty, but now that she is a little bit older I have to amend it.
Its funny how a small personality trait such as a smile can change your whole view on a situation. When I see this little baby smile it makes me feel like the funniest person in the world. Her eyes pierce into my heart as she looks at the strange man that holds her. And even though its completely gross her slobbering all over my thumb trying to use it as a teether is just fine by me.
There are still times that I apply my aversion to babies to my little kinswoman. And those times are when things come out. I have had my first test as a matter of distributing food to the young one, but I refuse to clean up the aftermath of such food. That's what mommy and grand-mommy are for. Or daddy, cause even though I would bet against it everyday, he is fantastic with her. My brother has taken on the role of father with gusto and an enthusiasm that I never in all my days have seen come from him. Kinda heroic and inspirational to his younger sibling I must say.
Whoops, the peaceful joy that was my back porch has now be disturbed by said little one's squeal. At least I know that that means she is happy and recently fed. Now comes time for play with Uncle. At least until digestion has finished. So I will say adieu to you for now. Till next time.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Home
Hello there.
So I am trying a new tactic for this blog. At first it started out as something to write my opinions down on for sarcastic and (hopefully) comedic purposes. Hence the title. Yet that lasted a whole two posts as I realized that I really didn't have any observations to make fun of on a regular basis. Don't get me wrong I see plenty of things daily to make light of, but I am just lazy to jot them down for a blog post. So I decided to take a different path with it. Inspired by my friend Alice's blog I decided to just make it weekly and talk about one thing that is important to me. Hopefully I will still bring clever observations and humor to it, but I will not have to strain myself to do it. So here goes a second try.
Actually I am writing this post while sitting on a bed in my parent's home in the middle of the night. I decided to come "home" for a week just cause I had the time and no other plans were coming to fruition. I know that sounds like a lame excuse and that I only came "home" cause there was nothing better. That's the truth. In some form.
I was hoping that I would spend this time away from work looking at a prospective new job or city or whatever during this time. Yet due to my extreme procrastination I had not one appointment for an interview lined up nor any lodging plans. So "home" it is. Where the bed is always free and appointments are drop-ins only.
Its no secret that I don't like where my situation has kept me. Don't get me wrong the experiences I have had; the people I have met; and the world that I have explored will always be precious to me. Its just that I don't like where my life is right now. I miss doing what I truly am good at and love to do and I miss those people who love me the most being there to see me do those things. Basically I miss "home". When I come "home" I usually spend the majority of the time being the most boring person imaginable. I laze around the house watching tv and wasting time on Facebook. Or I watch tv and waste time playing video games. Or I watch tv and waste time sleeping. (Beginning to see a pattern here.) Yet never once do I think to myself that I would like to be anywhere else. Cause here I am allowed to be and do all those things without any reservations. Here I am allowed to not do anything. And that is nice.
Whenever I head "home" I never tell any of my friends of the past that I will be in the area. Its not that I don't like them or want to see them, its just that I don't want to schedule my life. Sounds strange I know, but I kinda like the idea of doing what I want when I want. Thus it leads to many nights alone and some feelings hurt when I do finally contact them to say I am in town as I didn't give fair warning. Yet I do like to stop in on my friends unannounced; usually at their places of business. But every now and then I spend a little time with a long time friend which really puts the idea of "home" in my head. Its not just a building that I grew up in, but a conglomeration of people, experiences, and memories. That's "home."
And its the only place I want to be right now. A place where laziness rules. Where walks late at night can be taken without fear of the things that go bump in the night. Where people will be around to be surprised. Where I can sit out on the porch listening to wind chimes ringing out the breeze very much like it did in my younger days. And where the squeals of the newest family member call out through the house and are heard not as an annoyance, but as a blessing upon the ears. If I could have any wish right now in my life it would be to make "home" my Home.
So I am trying a new tactic for this blog. At first it started out as something to write my opinions down on for sarcastic and (hopefully) comedic purposes. Hence the title. Yet that lasted a whole two posts as I realized that I really didn't have any observations to make fun of on a regular basis. Don't get me wrong I see plenty of things daily to make light of, but I am just lazy to jot them down for a blog post. So I decided to take a different path with it. Inspired by my friend Alice's blog I decided to just make it weekly and talk about one thing that is important to me. Hopefully I will still bring clever observations and humor to it, but I will not have to strain myself to do it. So here goes a second try.
Actually I am writing this post while sitting on a bed in my parent's home in the middle of the night. I decided to come "home" for a week just cause I had the time and no other plans were coming to fruition. I know that sounds like a lame excuse and that I only came "home" cause there was nothing better. That's the truth. In some form.
I was hoping that I would spend this time away from work looking at a prospective new job or city or whatever during this time. Yet due to my extreme procrastination I had not one appointment for an interview lined up nor any lodging plans. So "home" it is. Where the bed is always free and appointments are drop-ins only.
Its no secret that I don't like where my situation has kept me. Don't get me wrong the experiences I have had; the people I have met; and the world that I have explored will always be precious to me. Its just that I don't like where my life is right now. I miss doing what I truly am good at and love to do and I miss those people who love me the most being there to see me do those things. Basically I miss "home". When I come "home" I usually spend the majority of the time being the most boring person imaginable. I laze around the house watching tv and wasting time on Facebook. Or I watch tv and waste time playing video games. Or I watch tv and waste time sleeping. (Beginning to see a pattern here.) Yet never once do I think to myself that I would like to be anywhere else. Cause here I am allowed to be and do all those things without any reservations. Here I am allowed to not do anything. And that is nice.
Whenever I head "home" I never tell any of my friends of the past that I will be in the area. Its not that I don't like them or want to see them, its just that I don't want to schedule my life. Sounds strange I know, but I kinda like the idea of doing what I want when I want. Thus it leads to many nights alone and some feelings hurt when I do finally contact them to say I am in town as I didn't give fair warning. Yet I do like to stop in on my friends unannounced; usually at their places of business. But every now and then I spend a little time with a long time friend which really puts the idea of "home" in my head. Its not just a building that I grew up in, but a conglomeration of people, experiences, and memories. That's "home."
And its the only place I want to be right now. A place where laziness rules. Where walks late at night can be taken without fear of the things that go bump in the night. Where people will be around to be surprised. Where I can sit out on the porch listening to wind chimes ringing out the breeze very much like it did in my younger days. And where the squeals of the newest family member call out through the house and are heard not as an annoyance, but as a blessing upon the ears. If I could have any wish right now in my life it would be to make "home" my Home.
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