For the past few days I have found myself drawn to my fav bookstore, Barnes and Noble, as a place to unwind and read and get away from the mundane of my housing situation. (More on that at a later date.) I usually set up shop on a bench near a window out of the way by the less traveled magazine section onlooking the Crafting aisle. My staple sustenance in this experiment of public leisure is trending to be a Grande Caramel Frap w/ extra whip as whipped cream is one of my main weaknesses (along with redheads). Drink in hand I sit with my newly purchased Nook and start to read/ research a book I am trying to get started. However something else took my attention this time.
An interesting feature of my Nook, actually everyone's Nook not just mine, is that if you are connected to the B&N wifi network you can read any book in the store for an hour at a time for free. Well I am always up for anything free and since I was in the store I decided to see what was on the table that might interest me. I pulled up the menu and near the top was a selection entitled Bossypants by SNL alumn Tina Fey. I stopped for a just a second and then decided to move on to something else because I have never been a major fan of Ms. Fey. I liked her on SNL Weekend Update, but I have never watched an episode of 30 Rock and figured this book would just be about the show. You know, some backstage politics and stresses of continuing a popular show; or a look into the tragic life that one person had to pull themselves out of adversity to shine in today's entertainment world.
But then my finger hit the "read" button as it was passing the touch screen. The tome loaded and instantly upon my small screen read a passage that got me hooked into the humor of the book. I will not expunge upon that phrase as it doesn't pertain to what I want to talk about, but I highly suggest you go out and read this book. It starts out extremely funny and just keeps going. Self-referential and effacing. Love it.
Yet back to the point. As I was reading the book I can across a part where Ms. Fey reminisces about doing research for a screenplay and going to a workshop for women empowerment. As you can imagine this part of the biography really related to me. Anywho, in this seminar the speaker asked Ms. Fey and the others to write when they first knew that they had become woman. Not little girls, but women, as it would help them to realize what life had in store for them. Fey goes off to make jokes about this, but I stayed with it for a few minutes.
I can't remember the first time I really felt like a woman and I am sort of okay with that. I hope I can never pinpoint that aspect of my life. However I reversed the question and challenged myself to figure out when the first time in my life I have felt like a man. And here is where my brain shut down for a few loading screens.
In the annuls of my brain I searched high and low for that one definining moment when I trasitioned from boy to man. Was it the natural time of puberty? Or the first time I kissed a girl? Or perhaps it was at that moment when I belched louder than the sound barrier? All important moments in the growning life of a young boy yet none of them felt like the moment when I made the leap. Which then got me to wonder what if I never truly made the metamorphosis? Maybe I just transitioned from boy to slightly taller boy.
Strange part about this revelation? I am totally fine with it. I don't think I have ever wanted to be a man. Sure I would like to be thought of as a man in some certain occasions, yet on the whole I like being a child. Its the only thing that keeps me from going absolutely batshit insane when I have to deal with all the things that grown-ups do. I can honestly say that I have never been prepared for this. Not that people and family didn't try to teach me these things; I just didn't show up for class on those days. I am sure I was playing a video game that didn't have a save point.
And that right there is why I like being a child. Video games, Disney movies, The Muppets, Yo-yos. All these things are categorized as "child's" things (even though they have been embraced by older kids which negates my total argument, but lets not go into that right now) and I feel that is wrong. How can anything that one loves and feels truly defines them be placed into a certain period of time? If you love something then love it no matter what age groups it says on the side of the box.
End of stream-of-conscious rant which that last paragraph became. Its just that I really like the idea of not growing up and conforming to that "man" idea. Its more fun to act silly and be innocent of some things and be carefree. Its just that most times life doesn't let you be a child. Which is fine too, but I wish it would let somethings be completely adolescent for its own good. So I hope you, like me, ask yourself the question "When did you first feel like a man/woman?" and come up with an answer of Not Applicable.
Oh and buy a Nook. They are fun....and small. :)
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